I’m at the end of my first semester of grad school, wondering if I’ve done enough. I’m worrying that my stories might not be good enough, that my responses might not be insightful enough, that my responses might not be plentiful enough to represent concrete advancement toward my thesis.
There are definitely ways in which I still feel like an undergrad who somehow got moved beyond her capabilities.
I suspect this to be an overreaction on my part. A combination of a need to tear apart my own work and come up with something better combined with my long-term anxieties about my own academic and artistic performance coming home to roost. But it’s hard to avoid. And of course, like any student, I could have done more this semester. I could have pushed out more work. I could have made more comments. I could have participated more.
Skating has been my deliverance from anxiety this fall. I’ve been trying to keep talk about skating off of my writing blog but really it’s been an important thing for me in my life at this point that’s strongly different from my academic work and gives me something to do with my body and my legs. I’m enjoying learning to skate, and the competitive angle of roller derby gives the learning to skate some context.